Violet Secrets
by Idan
Summary: Sequel to Secrets, set during and after Violets. What would have happened if the episode took place in the Secrets AU?


**Disclaimer**: I don't own The Mentalist, just some DVDs. Worth every penny.

**Author's Note**: I never intended to write a sequel to Secrets, although a couple of people asked nicely. My muse just gave me a big ole Meh when I thought about it, until a guest reviewer wanted to know why Jane and Lisbon weren't living together. Then this happened. It probably won't make any sense if you haven't seen Violets.

**Violet Secrets**

Lisbon struggled into the little white dress, tugging and frowning at the mirror as she turned, trying to see if she was showing. Why on earth was Jane forcing her to wear this, when he was always teasing her about her barely-there baby bump?

The way the skirt fell off her hips drew the eye away from it, she had to admit. And in this dress, guys would be looking at her boobs, not her stomach. Maybe she could dismiss the theory that he was trying to force her hand, revealing their secret through costuming since she wasn't eager to actually tell anyone. He was getting impatient, for once not enjoying keeping a secret.

Of course, if she let him move in, he'd probably be happy enough to wait until the end of her fast-disappearing first trimester.

Lisbon sighed, closing her eyes as she remembered how they'd gotten into this mess. She'd retrieved Jane from detention after the FBI agreed to his terms, and they'd spent the evening celebrating at the fanciest restaurant they could find that would seat Jane in his hobo-like state. There'd been a bottle of wine, then two. After the restaurant closed, they adjourned to the hotel bar, slouching in a dark corner booth trading stories and laughing, giddy to be together again. At the door to her room, there'd been kissing, more intoxicating than the wine. And then...

She took a deep breath, calming her body down. This wasn't the time to relive those hours of delirious ecstasy when they'd conceived this baby.

The roots of her present problem lay in what had happened the following morning. She'd panicked—she could admit it now, if only to herself—and wiped the gloriously bright smile off his face when she said, "We can't do this."

She knew him well enough to interpret the expression that flickered across his face before the mask fell into place: intense pain. She'd hurried to add, "I'm not saying never, Jane. Just...can we wait until we get our bearings at work? One major life change at a time? Please?"

Oh, if she'd only known then. But it was several weeks later when Jane dropped by her place one night with pizza and a pregnancy test, waving away her insistence of a stomach bug with infuriating confidence.

Looking back, she could see that he'd expected her to stop worrying about secrecy and focus on making a family. But rather than open her arms to him, she'd done her best to hold him at arm's length. She let him stay over several nights a week, sometimes in her bed, but they rarely had sex. She let him cook for her and obsess over her health and the baby's, but she shut down any talk of moving in together or marriage. She'd kept her head in the sand, focusing on her job and ignoring the terrifying, unplanned changes her life was about to undergo.

Maybe, she realized, Jane had set this whole "party house" thing up to make a point about living together. Just like she suspected he'd stayed away all week while plotting his con so he wouldn't have to explain it to her before his big reveal. After he'd run off with Rigsby to trick Haibach, she'd put her foot down about him withholding information. The stress of him being in danger, she pointed out, was bad for the baby.

Lisbon sighed. She didn't even know why she was holding them in this limbo. She was going to start to show in a matter of weeks, at most. She enjoyed having Jane around, mostly, and she was going to want help with a nursery and figuring out daycare and all the other things she hadn't thought of yet. She had no desire to be a single parent.

Besides, she loved him. She hadn't said the words, but she was sure he must know. And he'd certainly whispered and groaned them to her during their night together, not to mention his tendency to murmur them into her ear as she fell asleep on the nights he stayed over.

They would be happy together if she let them. They'd make a loving family for their child, the kind she'd always promised herself she'd give any child of hers.

But somehow, something held her back.

Maybe it was the thought of having to tell Abbott and watch him smile smugly at her, remembering when she'd denied Jane was her boyfriend. Or watch Fischer congratulate herself on being right when she'd all but accused Lisbon of controlling Jane with sex.

She knew these were petty reasons. Her professional pride shouldn't be allowed to stand in the way of building a stable home life for her child with the man she loved.

A knock on the door made her jump. Jane called, "Are you decent, Teresa?"

"I'm dressed," she said dryly, not sure whether the word decent applied to this dress.

Jane let out a whistle as he saw her. "My dear, you do things for that dress even I couldn't have imagined. You're a work of art, perfect for your role."

"And you look like...you," she said.

Jane grinned. "I look like a man who appreciates the finer things in life. Which I am. But if you insist, I'll freshen up my look a bit. Are you ready for our entrance?"

"I guess."

"Relax. Try to have some fun with it. I'll be right beside you the whole time," Jane said, leaning in for a kiss on the cheek. "There's plenty of sparkling cider so you can look like you're drinking."

He left the bathroom for a moment, then returned with a scarf, which he spent some time draping artistically around his neck while Lisbon watched in amused irritation.

"Oh, that makes all the difference. You look like a new man," she said, folding her arms.

He was unfazed by her sarcasm. "I like it," he said. "Shall we fortify ourselves with some hors d'oeuvres before our guests arrive?"

Lisbon sighed but accepted his arm. She could use the help not falling down the stairs in these heels.

mmm

After McKaye left, Lisbon kicked off her shoes and sank onto the bed with a relieved sigh. Her feet were killing her, and she couldn't wait to get out of this dress.

Jane came back in, smiling at her bare feet. "Need a foot massage, darling?"

She gave him a reproving look. "You can stop with the act, Jane. I'm sure the cameras are shut off by now." She was sure of no such thing, but she wanted to remind him they weren't necessarily alone.

He rolled his eyes, then held out his hands. "Come on. You'll feel better in your comfy PJs."

She let him help her off the bed and lead her into the bathroom, where there was no surveillance. When they were safely inside, she said, "We're both sleeping in the master bedroom, right?"

Jane shook his head. "I'll be downstairs. Less chance of anyone sneaking in that way."

Lisbon frowned. She didn't like the idea of being separated while bad guys lurked. "I'd rather you stayed up here."

"That would be tough to explain to anyone at the FBI who noticed," he pointed out, his tone edged with unhappiness.

"Jane." She laid a hand on his arm. "Please. Can we just get through this case, and then we'll talk?"

He huffed impatiently. "Well, that sounds promising, doesn't it?"

Lisbon shook her head. "I haven't...how I feel about you hasn't changed," she said quietly. "I just...I need some time to sort things out."

Jane looked away with a grimace, then nodded. "I told you before, I'm not going to push you into anything you're not ready for. I'll be on the couch if you need me. It's late; you should get some sleep." He kissed her forehead gently. "Love you."

"See you in the morning." She hated how cold that sounded, so she went on tiptoe to give him a proper kiss, hoping it would tell him what she couldn't say.

Jane's arms went around her, and she felt a hot flush race through her as he pulled her against him. It was still incredible to her, this power she had to arouse him. She was still trying to wrap her head around the concept of Jane as a normal, sexual male after so many years of wondering if he felt desire for anything other than killing Red John. Even though she had some white hot memories and a little life growing inside her to prove he definitely was.

"Sweet dreams," he said hoarsely, giving her an adorable, almost shy little smile as he pulled away and opened the door.

Once he was gone, Lisbon stripped off the dress with a sigh of relief, taking a deep breath for the first time all night. Then she slipped into her nightshirt and went about removing her jewelry and makeup, then brushing her teeth.

The bedroom was lonely. It was weird in this strange place, surrounded by priceless art. She wanted company. Surely she could change Jane's mind?

But when she went downstairs, he was already fast asleep. The couch probably felt more familiar to him than a bed, even now, she thought ruefully.

She let herself stare for a moment at his bare ring finger. This was the first time he'd ever taken it off for a con, and it seemed strange. Though if he was serious about being with her, it would have to come off permanently. She gently covered him with a blanket, hoping he slept well, with no nightmares.

With one last longing glance at him, she went to search the kitchen for food. She'd been too nervous to eat much earlier, and she was starving.

When she called to check in, her empty stomach was seduced by Agent Pike's talk of pancakes, and she wondered with a twinge of doubt what it would be like to be with a straightforward guy like that. But then, she'd probably be bored. And dating was not in her future, probably ever again.

Still, now she was craving pancakes. Dammit.

mmm

While they waited to be robbed the next day, Jane obsessively checked that her gun was within reach and that the others were in position.

"Relax," she told him. "Have some champagne." Her own glass was purely for show, of course.

"No. I need to be sharp," he replied.

His eyes kept going to her stomach, and she realized what was freaking him out. He was confronting the fact that she was carrying their child into a risky situation for the first time.

Well, so was she. But she couldn't dwell on it, or she might freeze when the time came. And she wasn't going to put this child at any risk that could be avoided.

Quietly, she said, "It's going to be okay."

He let out a little huff of laughter. "Isn't that my line?"

Then the door burst open, and she didn't have time to think about anything but the plan until it was over and Jane was safely back downstairs, grinning at her. "Perfect. I told you."

She rolled her eyes, feeling a little shaky with relief. She'd worried about him while he was upstairs with McKaye and Pulaski. It had occurred to her for the first time that there was a real risk her child could be left fatherless. And she realized that she was looking forward to watching Jane hold their baby.

His smile softened as he read her thoughts. "Another successful con. Justice is done, with no need for medical attention. Shall we go?"

She nodded. "I can't wait to get back in my real clothes."

mmm

Once back at the office, Jane went to interrogate McKaye while Lisbon changed, then went to the breakroom to share in the newly revived closed case pizza ritual. She didn't actually want pizza, but she also didn't want to make Cho unhappy, so she took a piece to pick at.

When Pike started talking about pancakes again, her craving returned with a ruthless intensity. Even when she realized he was asking her on a date, she couldn't get the idea of fluffy buttermilk pancakes smothered in maple syrup out of her mind.

She'd eaten at a diner with a friend before, she told herself. She and Jane had done it for years without it being even a little romantic. She wouldn't stay out late, and she wouldn't kiss him. They'd just eat and go their separate ways.

Besides, if she turned him down, that would just fuel the rumors about her and Jane. Which would be proven true soon enough without her hurrying it along.

So did it matter, then?

Her head hurt. She needed to eat. "Let's do it."

But her careful rationalizations fell apart the moment Jane found them, cheerfully asking where they were going. She felt sick to her stomach as she watched him take in the situation, never dropping his cheery facade when she knew it would have been kinder to punch him in the nose.

She could stop this, she thought. She _should_ stop it. But then Pike would know she was involved with Jane, and—

Before she could gather her wits, Jane was seeing them off, telling them to have fun.

As she walked away, leaving Jane on his own, she wanted to throw up.

She made it outside before losing the few bites of pizza she'd had in the bushes. Pike was taken aback, but he held her hair like a gentleman. "Are you okay? Do you need a doctor?"

"No, I—I think I just need to go home." She managed a wan smile. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Let me drive you."

She nodded, rubbing at her stomach to calm it. "Thanks."

mmm

Lisbon collapsed on the couch, too tired to go any further. She didn't know whether to hope that Jane would come over or not; she didn't feel up to a fight, but he always knew what to do when her stomach went all funny.

He was only half an hour behind her, letting himself in and stopping in surprise when he saw her. "What happened?"

"I threw up," she said miserably.

His lips quirked in a brief smile. "Is it too much to hope it was on his shoes?"

"Jane," she whined.

"All right, all right." He bent to lay a hand briefly on her forehead. "I'll make you some ginger tea."

He'd put his ring back on, she saw with a sickening feeling of despair.

Ten minutes later she was wrapped in a soft blanket, sitting up against the corner of the couch and sipping the tea. She didn't care much for it, but it did settle her stomach.

Jane sat in the nearby easychair, watching her closely while sipping a cup of his own. From the set of his jaw, she knew he was angry, but he wouldn't fight with her until she felt better. She hoped.

"I'm sorry," she said when she couldn't bear the silence anymore. "I don't know what I was doing."

"I suppose you want me to tell you," he replied evenly.

"Not really."

"Finish your tea. Then we'll see if we can get some toast in you."

She grimaced at the thought, but her stomach growled, proving him right once again.

"Then I'll see you safely to bed and be back in the morning to make you a good breakfast. How many times have I told you, you can't be skipping meals now. It's bad for the baby."

There was nothing she could say to that, so she just sipped her tea.

Jane finished his, then set his cup and saucer on the coffee table and got to his feet. He paced a few steps, then turned to face her. "Do you want this child?"

She blinked in shock. "Yes!"

"But you don't want me."

"I do, Jane, I just—please can we not do this now?"

"You're never going to tell anyone I'm the father, are you? What are you going to do, invent an ex-boyfriend in Washington?"

"Jane, stop it. I'm not going to make up a father for this baby. I'm not going to lie."

"Oh, no, because Saint Teresa never lies," he retorted. "That's why you don't say you love me, isn't it? I suppose I should be grateful."

"I do love you!" She felt tears form and blinked them away.

"Then what's the problem, Teresa? If we love each other, what's stopping us from being together? You asked for time to get your feet under you at the FBI. I agreed, much against my own inclination. It's been more than two months now. You've proven yourself to Abbott and Fischer. What are you still waiting for?"

She'd rarely seen him so frustrated. "I don't know. What are you waiting for, Jane?"

"What do you mean?" He had the nerve to look surprised.

"You put your ring back on. How am I supposed to believe you're ready to make a family with me when you still consider yourself married?"

They stared at each other for a moment, at an impasse. Then Jane said, "I'm going to go make you some toast."

"I don't want it!" she called after him as he went into the kitchen.

"Well, the baby does!" he shouted back.

Lisbon put her tea down and covered her face with her hands, trying to breathe through the urge to cry. God, she hated being so emotional.

A few minutes later, Jane returned with two slices of toast on a plate. He also brought butter and strawberry jam.

"Thanks," she muttered, opening the jar of jam. Her stomach didn't revolt at the smell, so she began slathering a piece of toast with it. Then she made herself eat a piece, bite after bite.

Jane paced while she ate, then suddenly stopped. Tugging off his ring, he put it down on the coffee table and stepped back. Lisbon stared at it, then at him.

"There," he said hoarsely. "It's off. It will stay off. That's my opening bid. What's yours?"

Lisbon swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry. He was serious. And this was it. She needed to fish or cut bait. "The left side drawers in my dresser. I'll clean them out so you can put your stuff there."

Jane nodded. "I can have my mail sent here?"

"Yes."

He paused, then asked the bigger question. "I can change my address with HR?"

She nodded. That was tantamount to officially notifying the FBI they were living together, but they were done with half measures. She had to go all in, or fold.

"Good. Thank you." He looked closely at her, gauging her condition. "We can table the rest of this discussion until tomorrow if you prefer."

"Yes, please." She nearly wept with gratitude. She was so tired, and now she was getting heartburn.

Jane swiftly moved to sit beside her, drawing her into his arms. "Ssh, love. I'm sorry I was harsh with you. Don't cry."

"I'm not crying," she sniffed, turning her face into his chest. "And I want you to stay tonight."

"I plan to stay every night from now on," he said. "Now that I have drawer space. May I have a kitchen cupboard, too?"

She snorted. "Have the whole damn kitchen if you want."

"Thank you, I will." He kissed her hair. "You need sleep. Didn't you sleep last night?"

"With robbers lurking in the bushes and you in plain view on the couch? No."

"Mm." He stroked her hair. "I think you need to sit out the cons from now on. And please, for my sanity, the next time someone asks you out on a date, say no."

"I'll tell them I'm in a relationship." Explaining that to Pike was not going to be fun, she thought. But maybe seeing her vomit in the bushes had taken care of his interest in her.

"Good." Jane tightened his embrace. "Let's go to bed."

mmm

A good night's sleep snuggled up with Jane did wonders for her mood. So did the cup of real coffee he brought her when she woke, knowing she needed the caffeine first thing but would switch to decaf afterward.

"Eggs or toast?" he asked.

"Yes." She was hungry, unusually so.

Jane beamed at her. "Coming right up."

He went down to the kitchen, reappearing after a few minutes with a tray. Lisbon raised her eyebrows at the loosely scrambled eggs, whole wheat toast, orange juice, strawberries, and a glass of milk.

"You had that 'I could eat a cow' gleam in your eye," Jane explained, setting the tray on the bed and sitting on the edge. "Dig in."

She did, stopping only long enough to ask, "Aren't you eating?"

"I ate while I was cooking," he replied.

He'd been up a while; he was dressed, and his hair was damp. She frowned a little as she drank the milk. "Did you sleep okay?"

He smiled. "I always sleep well with you. I just woke up earlier, that's all."

"Don't sit there and watch me eat," she complained. Having him monitor her food intake so closely made her feel like she was merely an incubator for their baby.

"Okay. I'll get the dishes done. By the way, I told Abbott we were taking the day off. We earned it, after all."

Lisbon stifled a sigh, munching on toast.

"He agreed with me, so no need to fret. And I think we should talk." Jane got up.

"Yeah, okay," she said, swallowing.

He smiled at her, then left. She listened to him work in the kitchen, thinking how domestic it sounded.

This would be her life from now on.

The thought didn't terrify her today, for some reason. Was it because he'd taken off his ring? Or because the decision to move in together was now behind her? Both, maybe.

When she'd finished eating, she carried the tray down to the kitchen. Jane took it from her with a quick kiss. "Full?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Talk first or shower first?"

"Talk," she said, surprising him. But she felt like a lazy day. She might not bother getting dressed at all. Napping sounded wonderful.

"Okay. I'll start the dishwasher and be right there."

Lisbon went out and sat on the couch, wondering if this new, domestic side of him was real or part of his desire to convince her to commit to him. When he settled beside her, arm on the back of the couch so he could play with her hair, he said, "Would you like to go first?"

"Is this what you're like all the time? Or is it just temporary?"

He looked amused. "I like to cook. I'm not a huge fan of housework, but I don't like living in a mess, so I clean when necessary. You don't have to worry about needing to nag me to pick up after myself after the baby's born and you're sore and cranky."

He'd been through this before, of course. The thought was comforting.

"My question for you," he continued, "is: how are you envisioning the next nine to twelve months?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know. I...I'll get bigger and have to go on desk duty. We'll have to make the spare bedroom into the baby's room. I don't know how much leave I can take, so we need to start looking at daycare, I guess."

"There's one near the office that's popular with our colleagues," Jane said. "We should get on a waiting list there."

She didn't ask how he knew that. Sometimes it seemed he just absorbed knowledge from the people around him without even trying.

"There are a lot of practical steps to take," he added. "But I would like to focus on the other stuff for a moment. I have no doubt we can eventually agree on what brand of car seat to buy. I'm a little less confident about the form our family will take."

"What do you mean?" She was confused. "We'll all live together."

"Yes. But do we need a formal custody agreement, or would you prefer to get married?"

"Oh." She glanced at him, then looked down, feeling awkward. "I guess I assumed that we'd get married at some point. If you want to. I mean, we don't have to—"

Jane covered her clasped hands with one of his. "Teresa. I want to marry you. I bought you a ring the day I started to suspect you were pregnant, but then I didn't give it to you because I didn't want you to think it was just for the baby's sake. Besides the fact that you weren't exactly embracing the possibility of us becoming a family."

"I just—it took me by surprise," she murmured, knowing it was a lame excuse.

"I know." Jane's voice was gentle. "Falling into bed with me felt right, but the next morning you realized this wasn't a one night stand and freaked out. You were terrified of having your personal as well as professional life dominated by me, so you tried to get us back to our previous balance. I cooperated, thinking you'd calm down. But then you started to suspect you were pregnant and freaked out even more. You haven't really calmed down since."

"I guess," she sighed.

"And now you feel trapped."

"No, I...I know I have choices," she said. "I wouldn't think about getting married just because I'm pregnant."

"I hope you will marry me because you want to spend the rest of your life with me," Jane said.

She nodded. "And I hope you won't marry me just to make sure you can be with our child."

"If I didn't want to marry you, I'd hire a lawyer," he said. "Now, the other thing I think you're having trouble with is the reaction we're going to get from our colleagues."

Lisbon nodded.

"You're afraid they'll judge you for succumbing to my charms? Or for getting knocked up?"

"It's not any of their business," she said firmly. Then she sighed. "But you know how people talk. I feel like I'm just starting to be respected for my contributions instead of being somebody you forced them to hire. Now they'll all say you did that because you wanted to sleep with me, not because you wanted to work with me."

"So? That won't keep you from kicking ass," he pointed out. "After the baby's born, that is."

She sighed. "I think this is something that's hard for a guy to understand."

"No, it's not. How many idiot chauvinists have I seen you take down over the years? I know you have to be extra tough to be taken seriously in law enforcement. I hereby give you my wholehearted support to punch any man who thinks less of you because you're taking on the even tougher job of parenthood." He lifted her hands to his lips. "And I promise you, once you're holding our baby, nothing anybody else says will matter."

She smiled, imagining it. "I just wish we were already there."

"Let's try to enjoy this time together," he said. "Or at least the quiet and uninterrupted sleep."

"Yeah." At least they were both used to operating on little sleep, she thought.

"So, in that spirit, why don't you get dressed?"

"Do I have to?"

Jane grinned. "No. You can be proposed to in your pajamas if you prefer."

"Do we have to make a big deal out of it?" The idea of getting dressed up and going somewhere just made her tired.

"No. I don't even have to ask if you'd rather skip that part. We can just take it as read." He pulled a ring out of his pocket and picked up her left hand.

"No, wait. I..." Lisbon looked at the ring, a lovely emerald with small but sparkly diamonds on either side. Then she looked at Jane, smiling gently at her, his eyes soft with love. "Ask."

His smile grew, and she knew he'd already decided what to say. It would have been a shame not to let him.

"Teresa, I have loved you for years, through some very bad times and some very good ones. You were my constant, the one comfort in my life whatever else was going on. I can't imagine waking up knowing I won't see you, because seeing you is what I look forward to each morning. And even though letting anyone close to me is terrifying, for obvious reasons, my love for you is stronger than my fear. Please say you'll spend the rest of your life with me. Marry me."

Love was stronger than fear. That's what she needed to remember. "I've loved you for so long I can't remember exactly when I first started. So yes, I'll marry you."

Jane slid the ring on her finger and kissed her until her toes curled. When they finished, they beamed at each other. Lost in his eyes, Lisbon couldn't remember what she'd been so afraid of.

"While you take that nap you're thinking about, I'll go get my things," Jane said.

She shook her head, lifting her hand to stroke his cheek. "Nap with me."

He smiled. "My pleasure. And then maybe we can talk about our big reveal."

Lisbon shook her head, smiled, and kissed him again. "The day after I'm officially in my second trimester, you can do whatever you want for the announcement."

Jane chuckled, getting to his feet and pulling her up. "Skywriting?"

"Okay."

"Billboards?"

"Not with my picture on them. Otherwise, okay."

"Singing telegram to Abbott's office?"

Lisbon started laughing. "Oh God. You know what? I think I want plausible deniability, just this once."

"Your wish is my command, my love. I only need to know whether you'd like to be married first. And whether you plan to keep your name."

"I think I'd better keep my name, at least professionally. As for the wedding, well, that's something we have to talk about." She could feel her nervousness returning.

Jane gave her a look of affectionate amusement. "I promise to endure whatever religious process you're afraid to tell me about without giving your priest reason to think about exorcism. I'll behave."

"I'll hold you to that," she warned.

mmm

Three weeks later, after an excruciating human/organ trafficking case, Kimball Cho came into work early to find a large silver envelope on his desk. Frowning, he opened it, cursing under his breath as a shower of glittering confetti littered his desk. Pulling out the thick cream card, he read the message there, feeling a smile pull at his mouth.

CONGRATULATIONS!

You're going to be an uncle!

Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon

are pleased to announce

they are expecting a baby.

We hope you share our happiness as we await this addition to our family.

...

Then, noticing the confetti had little silver bells in it, he flipped the card over and read:

Teresa Marie Lisbon

and

Patrick Alexander Jane

request the honor of your presence

at their marriage

Saturday, the nineteenth of December

Two thousand and fifteen

at two o'clock

Saint Anthony's Church

Austin, Texas

...

Cho sat down and promptly typed an email to Abbott asking to take a leave day on December 19. Then he leaned back in his chair, noting the envelope on Wiley's desk. He couldn't wait for the others to arrive and see their reactions.

It was going to be a fun morning.


End file.
